Friday, January 3, 2014

BIG changes for 2014!

Perhaps "BIG changes for 2014" isn't the best title for this post.  "Bigger" might be a better word to use.  Let me explain...

Unlike almost every other female in the universe, I am trying to GAIN weight this year! Some people might think that should be the easiest thing to do.  Just eat more right?! Not so easy... I have (and still do at times) struggle with the dreaded ED.  That alone makes trying to gain weight pretty difficult!  It is also very hard for me to try to put on weight when every person, magazine, commercial, ad, etc is all about how to lose weight this year.  For me, it is very hard to do the exact opposite of what people and society say.  Everywhere I go people are talking about how they need to eat less, work out more, and lose weight.
I really need this shirt!

I should probably explain why I am trying to gain weight too.  Ever since going away to treatment for ED, I have been trying to get to a healthy/stable weight.  I was feeling pretty good for a while and I started seeing a reproductive specialist.  Without going into too much detail, I have some infertility issues...After trying multiple medications, the doctor finally said that I needed to gain 15 pounds before moving onto the next step.  She said that my BMI is too low and it needs to be at least 19 before trying the next procedure.  It was hard to hear but has been a huge motivating factor!!  The problem is that it is still very hard physically and emotionally for me to put on weight.  I hate seeing the number on the scale increase...who gets excited about that??!

This is how I feel every time I step on the scale...

Sure, it is fun and exciting to see the number go down and to go buy smaller sizes in clothes.  I hate when my clothes feel tight and I have to go up a size!

Anyway, I am hoping maybe there is someone out there who can relate, or who has gone through something similar.  One of the hardest things is feeling kind of alone with it all.  Like I am the only one struggling with this.  

I feel like this is me lately....

I have been increasing the amount of calories and how often I eat.  I still work out everyday.  Usually swimming, spin class, or elliptical.  As of now I am not willing to give that up.  It is a huge stress reliever for me and something I really do enjoy.  The main problem I have is always feeling full.  I try to eat small meals every few hours, but I still feel full all the time.  I am hoping as time goes on my body will adjust and get used to more food.  Also, I am trying to add more calorie dense foods that don't fill me up so quickly.  This becomes difficult when ED chimes in about some of these need to go on about that though.

Well, that's about all for now.  I will keep everyone updated on things!


  1. I know you can do this, Kim!! You and I always discuss how hard it is to gain weight! It's obvious that you're trying your hardest, and really putting in the effort. Just ignore all the resolution/lose weight ads and commercials and do your thing! I'm always here for you, too :)