Saturday, February 1, 2014

Discouraged but Determined

So, back to all the reproductive specialist fun... I saw the doctor 2 weeks ago for a weigh in to find out if I had gained enough to move forward with treatment.  I had gained a bit and only had 5 pounds to go.  I increased my calories a decent amount, concentrating on adding more fat.  Feeling pretty positive and confident that I had gained some, I went for a weigh in yesterday.  My weight was the same! How is that even possible with how much I have been eating?? To say I felt discouraged would be an understatement.  BUT, today I am feeling a little better about it all.  I am still extremely determined to gain the weight, be at a healthy BMI, and try the next treatment option.  

Need to constantly be reminded of this!!!
I have continued to increase how much I am eating.  I have been using the MyFitnessPal phone app to make sure I am eating more.  I hate to count calories, but if I just "listened to my body" and ate whatever I felt like, I am sure I would not eat enough.  Sometimes when I look back on a day and see just how many calories I have eaten, it freaks me out! Actually, I should say it freaks ED out! I am trying my best to ignore him...I am slowly accepting the fact that for whatever reason, I just have to eat a lot more than most people to put on weight.  I really should just embrace and enjoy it! Many people would LOVE to be able to eat so much and not gain weight.

I will say I have been enjoying some parts of it...

Got these for Christmas and finally letting myself enjoy them.  So Good!

I know, it is not even close to Easter yet...Blame Target for putting these on the shelves super early!!

I don't care who you are, or how old you are...Pop Tarts are delicious!!

Even kittens like Confetti Cupcake Pop Tarts! The little thief!

Even with all the fun food it is still extremely hard physically and emotionally...

Another problem is that I hate even knowing my weight...For a long time I wasn't weighing myself at all and that was great!! Anyone who struggles with an eating disorder knows how evil that number on the scale can be.  

I am a FIRM believer in this!! BUT, when my doctor tells me I need to be a certain weight, I kinda need to come face to face with the dreaded scale.  I just keep telling myself that I am doing this to be healthy and become a mommy!!

Hopefully two weeks from now I will have a happier post titled "Goal Weight Achieved!!" Or maybe something a little more catchy... I will work on it :)

Since I am more motivated now to try new and yummy things...
What is a super tasty food I should try???


  1. I loved that picture with the baby! That's my main motivation right now (well to get married first!) but there is nothing more that I want to do more than have a big family! I really admire your attitude and I know you can do this!!!
    Ps I'm really liking muffins lately! Especially these carrot apple ones from "caits plate" with PB on top!

    1. Thank you!! Anything with peanut butter is always a winner :)

  2. I've been craving Poptarts like crazy...Keep going, you're doing great with eating all this stuff!

    1. Thank you!! The red velvet Pop Tarts are out of this world :)